After spending a few days in the throes of a dose of Raucous Intestinal Distress (R.I.D.) wherein I managed to RID myself of all that my body needed to function and that my soul needed to have a purpose, I gave into my wife’s insistence that I call my doctor. It was late in the afternoon by the time I made the call, and I was told the doctor was already gone for the day and might not be reachable. I was advised by a staff member to go to the emergency department at a nearby hospital. I was too sick and weak to argue.
My wife drove my daughter Sara and me to the hospital. My wife couldn’t come in because she is immuno-compromised due to chemo-therapy treatments for cancer. Sara accompanied me into the E.D. where we stayed for several hours. My heart rate was quite elevated and wasn’t coming down to the point where the doctors were okay with me being sent home. It was getting close to midnight when they finally had a bed for me. The room I would be occupying was originally designed to hold four beds but now was being used for two. My bed was on my right as I went in and the bed on my left was occupied by a very frail, old man. I know it is purely the luck of the draw on hospital roommates and I hoped this would work out well. He was unable to acknowledge my presence at all, but it didn’t take long to learn that he was of very diminished capacity. As caregivers came in for him all he could do was moan. He seemed unable to speak with them in any way. I could sense the feelings of helplessness from all parties. The night crept along slowly with all its noisy and pointy interruptions. The old man’s occasional wailing cries being the only communication between us.
While morning comes very early and without subtlety in a hospital, visiting hours would not begin until 8:00 a.m. Shortly before that hour, a small, older woman showed up. She spoke to the old man in firm tones. She spoke with a heavy accent, but in impeccable English. As the medical team came in to see them, I was struck by this woman’s intelligence and grace. She was very candid and curious with the staff, yet extremely attentive and respectful to them. She was able to communicate in a way no longer at all possible for her husband. I would learn much more throughout the hours to come.
Shortly after 8:30, my daughter Sara came in to spend the day with me. I was grateful for her companionship, especially in my wife’s absence. We had coffee together (an old family tradition) and she got up to speed on my medical progress. All the while, we could hear the story unfolding on the other side of the curtain. We learned that this couple had moved here from Cyprus several years ago. She had been a teacher and he had made his living as a classical musician. He was a master of the violin and piano, and had also served as an orchestra conductor. We also found out that the man who could only manage garbled moans a few hours earlier had learned to speak seven languages in his lifetime. Much was revealed about this family, including the fact the old woman had to make the decision regarding placing her husband of so many years in hospice care in a nursing home, or putting him on a feeding tube indefinitely in the hospital with no hope of a recovery. Due to Covid-19, the nursing home would not allow any visitors at all. This meant that these two people would never be in each other’s presence or embrace again. Still, the old lady made the selfless choice to put him in hospice. He would be transported later in the day.
My daughter and I were awed and deeply humbled to be witnesses to the grace and decency of this woman who was in the final moments with the man who no longer recognized her as his wife. Later in the day, with the hospital staff bending the rules on allowing only one visitor in at a time, the couple’s son came in to see his father for the first time in two years and the last time in his life. The old man did not recognize him. My heart shattered at the notion of someday not knowing my own children. The young man maintained the same poise and humor as shown by his mother. Their priest also came in to pray with them. While Sara and I are not prayerful people, we respectfully sat silently on our side of the curtain, both of us feeling profoundly moved.
A glitch in the legalities occurred that would delay the old man’s transfer until the following day. The moment of good bye would need to be relived all over again. Night fell and the visitors left and the dark hours dragged on. When morning came, the old lady returned to her husband’s side and my daughter returned to mine. While we had our coffee and conversation together, they had their final couple of hours together. Sara and I cried quietly for these people we had never known before the previous day. Sara opened up a conversation with the old lady, also named Sara. They shared the information that both are teachers and they laughed about how that explains why they both talk so loud. It was beautiful, and I was moved by my own adult child’s sense of humanity and compassion. Soon after, the transport crew came for the old man and he was wheeled out to spend his final days in isolation. As the husband was rolled out into the hall away from his wife, the old lady called to my daughter. She wanted to apologize for the commotion and thank us for our concern. Under the mandates of Covid-19, they stood ten feet apart and pantomimed the expressions of deep gratitude and the pureness of human love and respect.
I was discharged very shortly after that with a clean bill of health and a wealth of unanticipated wisdom. I learned much in that brief hospital stay. I saw incredible grace, humility, and humanity. I was comforted by my daughter’s dedication and decency. I learned to have appreciation for the truth of someone else’s personal story, and I learned to appreciate being able to go home to the loving arms of my wife of 41 years whom I still recognize. Oh, and one last thing, I learned to stay away from eating bag salad. Apparently, that stuff is nothing to mess with. I’d love to offer a resounding “No Shit!” on that last point, but that simply would not be true in this case.
This End Up 